Biological and then choice
Not everyone becomes a biological parent. Millions want to and become, yet there are millions more who want to and cannot. Not everyone is willing to be a stepparent either. Whether they want to be a parent or do not, they understand being a stepparent takes a different want. You have the responsibility of helping to raise and instilling the greatest values in a child that is not yours. The DNA, blood, and lineage are not yours, and sometimes you can be reminded of that depending on the relationship and there may be times you remind yourself. Everyone has a different experience. Some can stepparent and it can be awful, while others can and there are no traces of the step involved.
Face to facts
I met Camiyah over 16 years ago when she was 3. She was an active and funny child, but also extreme when she wanted to be. Very few know our life and relationship over the years and how it has come to be what it is now. The majority of those 16 + years were not as great as they could have been, or what they looked to be from the outside. She and I had struggles, big struggles. Those years had many frustrating moments, and we did not see eye-to-eye as we could have. We were always smart enough to not allow those outside of our walls to know what was going on within them because we did not need everyone’s judgement or opinion.
Taught well
We are fortunate to be under a ministry that teaches and teaches real life and not gibberish or what is easy to the ears. Our pastor teaches facts and has always taught what the man’s role is over any other member of the family/household. I will never say I always wanted to hear what he said, and I have admitted this to him, but I listened to every word he taught and received it. God knew what I needed. He teaches us, especially men, that there is no step. When you take on the role you become the parent.
To the other side
Being in this parenting role was easily one of my greatest struggles that I did not see the beauty to proceed on the other side. One of the most humbling and uplifting feelings you can have is when looking back on where you were to where you are and being thankful for the drastic difference. As a father, one of my highs is when my daughter wants to talk to me, wants insight or direction, or just wants to hang out. I support her in whatever she does and have her back 100%. If anybody ever has a problem with my daughter, come to me. Don’t go to her, come to me. And that includes family, friends, fakes, or foes.
The mostest love
Camiyah, I love you and you are beyond special to me! I thank God for us being where we are, and we are just beginning. Further I thank Him that I have been granted the privilege of being your Pops (as you call me), and watching you grow into the young woman you are and will still eventually become. I look forward to seeing your life sprout and you impact more people than I ever will. I don’t say that to put pressure on you, but I say it because you are a bright light to the world and are capable. Dream big! Dream bold! Then, let your works be bigger and bolder! Your life will make a statement.
Live your life
Go out and make you proud; not me or anybody else. A side note to any parent reading this. If you tell your child to make you proud, please stop. Your child’s job is to make God proud first, then themselves. There is enough pressure to face without more being added from you. I know you say it innocently, but those words can penetrate, and their life becomes yours which will never work. Allow them to live their lives. If you have done your part, first trust God, and then you have nothing to worry about, even when they fall flat on their faces. You did, and you recovered!
Step up to be the step
I want to encourage every (step)parent to know there is a reason for your role. You feel you made the choice, but the choice could have very well chosen you. It may not seem fair all or most of the time, but there is a way you need each other that may not be revealed until years later. The tough times will subside, and you will have a greater respect for, and love for one another.
– The Life Teacher, Author and Mental Fitness Coach, Mr. Watkins 3.0 the Global One